Start Before You’re Ready

“Start Before You’re Ready”

I used to have this quote as a background on my laptop and my phone. It’s also advice I’ve read in a number of books by self-help gurus. Today, I’m reflecting on my first year as a business owner. Starting before I was ready has gotten me so much further than I imagined. In late January 2020, I dove head first into life as a self-employed, full time grant writing consultant. For years, I thought I wanted to be a nonprofit CEO. That’s what I told everyone. I thought I was headed in that direction. I even joined a leadership development program to prepare for such an opportunity. In the back of my mind, I knew I was craving the flexibility and creativity that consulting provides. I tried to quiet that voice so that I could pursue something more “stable” and “reliable.” Turns out, stable and reliable isn’t the right fit for me. I thrive on solving problems, building on my experiences, uncovering new ideas, and quite frankly, I love writing. I’ve always loved writing. I love writing the same way some people love gardening or running or playing music.

I ignored all of that for a long time, thinking that I needed to live up to other people’s expectations or visions of me. Back in 2018, everyone thought I had my life together. I was married, fostering kids, and in a job that was supposed to be taking me to my next career move. I also commuted two hours a day, barely slept, didn’t take care of my health, and coped in so many ways that were unhealthy. To put it mildly—I was totally burnt out.

And then I quit all of that. I got divorced. The kids were reunited with their parents. I quit that supposed dream job with absolutely no backup plan. I rebuilt my life. Got into a new relationship that came with new kids. I moved downtown from the suburbs. I did a lot of interviewing. I thought I found a job that was right for me; it turned out to be a very wrong fit when it came to organizational culture. I started over again in 2020, but this time, I listened to myself.

I networked. I built relationships with other consultants. I launched my website, got my LLC approved, signed a client, and then… COVID-19. I could have really panicked, and I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t a little bit. There were times I was unsure that I would be able to make it. I doubted my own abilities, and even though I have the track record to prove I can, I caught myself thinking, “What if I don’t raise any money?” 

This fall, I got word that a proposal I wrote was funded for a million dollars. I’ll probably never get tired of writing that, and it’s not my first million of my career. But it WAS my first million dollar gift working for myself. I don’t say this to brag about my skills, and I didn’t do it alone. I had great partners for the project, and the client had a strong idea and was very grant ready. However, I’ve had lots of strong ideas turned down for a number of reasons. None of those are ever personal, but as fundraisers, we still love to hear yes more than we like to accept no or not right now. The most exciting part is that I know this money is going to impact students who will gain skills that they can use to contribute amazing things to our workforce and our world. There will be ripple effects from this act of philanthropy that I’ll never directly see, but I got to play a role in getting the dollars to a place that can use them effectively. That’s the whole reason why I do what I do. Being that communicator and connector is the heartbeat that makes me get up in the morning and work. 

I’m so proud that to date, I’ve worked with eight clients in my first year that represent six states, as well as countless cities and towns in Indiana, and I have referrals for some new work in 2021. I don’t know if these metrics sound like a lot or a little to someone from the outside, but now I know that doesn’t really matter. Each project represents high-quality work, collaboration, and communication, with my own reputation on the line. I don’t think I have ever so fully put myself out there before, and I’m so excited for what the future can bring! I was reminded this morning that being a relationship-based consultant is what I do best. I love immersing myself into the missions of the organizations I’m serving. Because of my network, I got to work on projects in education, youth development, affordable housing, healthcare, and more!

Also, it doesn’t hurt that now my commute is from my bedroom to my downstairs office. I’ve done other things over the last year that probably would not have happened if I didn’t own my own business during a pandemic. Some highlights from 2020 include:

Editing friends’ resumes and cover letters to help them re-enter their industries after being laid off.

Being a guest on two different podcasts: Pretty Sure We Can Do Better and Open in Indiana.

Participating in two IndyHub virtual book clubs where I not only read some great books, but I met some absolutely incredible women who care about the community the same way I do.

Volunteering with several new organizations. For The Bail Project, I passed out supplies for basic needs to people exiting jail, specifically after the protests in downtown Indianapolis. For Postcards for Voters, I wrote and sent postcards to voters in different states, reminding them of when and how to register to vote. For Salvation Army, I registered families for Christmas assistance and adopted a child for Christmas and purchased the gifts. Most importantly, I realized my decade-long goal of becoming a CASA and was sworn in and assigned to a case that I’m already passionate about.

Spending extra time with my Yorkie who passed away recently, just before her 14th birthday. We had been through a lot together, and I’m so thankful I got to have her by my side while I worked this year.

Coming up with fun, socially distant activities for me, my partner, and my future step kids. We’ve played a lot of new family games; visited Newfields for Harvest Nights and Winterlights; picked strawberries and pumpkins at Spencer Farms and apples at Tuttle Orchards; taken a self-guided tour through Crown Hill Cemetery; and won our property management company’s virtual Halloween costume contest as Ghostbusters.

Planned and took a weekend, safely distanced trip to Cincinnati with my partner that included a tour of the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center.

Shopped and ate local as much as possible. (On that note, I may personally be keeping Clustertruck in business.)

These are all things that I might have felt guilty about doing if I were “on the clock” for an employer. Instead, I get to produce great projects for my clients (who are really my bosses now) AND I get to do all of these things that light me up and make me happier and healthier and a better human. The pandemic has been rough, and as we all do on social media, we mostly share the good parts. I’ve definitely watched my fair share of Netflix and eaten plenty of gluten free sweets, but I’m going to be able to look back at 2020 and remember this as the year I launched a business. I started before I was ready, and I’m so glad I did. 

My new quote is this: “Someone’s life is going to be changed in 10 years because you bothered to show up today.”